How can we as parents effect permanent change in the space that is mental health care, specifically, Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome?

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Picture us all sending love. x

I have felt so many intense emotions following the recent story of Bethany, who I wrote about last week, and several other stories that have come to light in the British press. I know I’m not alone with these feelings. Gillian Mead is a Mother who is one of thousands, whose cry for help rips a piece of your heart away. Gillian’s daughter, Lee has been locked up, against the will of her family and treated worse than an animal, in the name of mental health care. Gillian just wants her home.

It is a natural response to feel anger, frustration, fear, despair, disgust, and on and on the feelings of negative and uncomfortable form. It is a natural response to act on those feelings to try to heal those feelings. Reacting from anger, or reacting from disgust or fear manifests in cross comments, angry speeches and more outpouring of upsetting emotions.

Today I want to put it our there that each and every one of us has the power to move beyond those feelings and into a place where permanent change will finally happen. I’m not saying that positive outcomes cannot be reached with more traditional pathways and certainly, strong emotions do motivate, but today I have learned that Bethany’s situation suddenly propelled into action following the exposure of such inhuman treatment, only to see that the plan was rushed and not effective. This results in sliding down the snake on the snakes and ladder board because the heart of what really needs to happen, cannot change overnight. In my humble opinion, change that is demanded by people rattling cages and shedding shame, will have a shelf limit and this needs to go deeper and more permanently than that.

Bethany and Lee must not suffer in vain. Their suffering is bringing about change, it is the crack in the darkness that will let in the light. It will not happen over night. It is a slow process.

We can use this opportunity to teach.

The PDA strategies we as parents have discovered and developed, through hours and hours of talking to each other and sharing ideas, the strategies we have mastered, the strategies our children need us to adapt to, the strategies we know work, have to be taught and we are the ones to do that. A long while back I wrote that we have a space to write the rules on PDA. That the fact that the systems and Doctors we turn to for help,  are not helping us, is actually a blessing in disguise. Mothers have turned to their own strong, maternal instincts and learnt to help themselves by joining together with others who are the same. I wrote that we must do this until PDA caught up. Well, I think PDA is about to catch up and I am feeling so hopeful that we can turn this into something really positive.

If we come at any problem with the same energy match as the problem, then all we get is another toxic bath of unwanted emotions and actions. I know this because I have learnt these things through PDA. To get to a better place, I did not use old fashioned methods of control and punishment in the name of getting reform. I stepped up and away from the norm and surrounded every problem I had with love. This is what we are doing as a PDA community and this is what we need to continue to do for the wider community. The people who are in power to administer such sinister and quite honestly, evil practices, had better look out.

Our children have been preparing us for a bigger change. The changes that start at home with us, the carers and loved ones of people with PDA are now spilling over to the wider world. When people ask, well what can be done, we don’t fight and shout like they do, we tell them, love. We tell them about the peaceful methods we use. We tell them about the lessons we have learnt about ourselves through having no other choice but to improve ourselves for the better.

You may think I’m an airy fairy sitting at home, miles away from anything, unqualified in the traditional sense. You might be thinking, it can’t be that simple, but you know what, I am qualified. I’m 100% qualified in unconditional love and I promise you, that this is where our focus needs to stay. When we are in the right frequency, we are in a much better place to be listened to. When we look at the problems we want solved with love not anger, we are filled with all we need to move forward and be heard. If we try to fight, we stay in the vacuum.

This morning I watched such a moving video from my friend and fellow PDA Mum Lindsay from Peace with PDA. Lindsay provides, not only healing and inspiration for us all, but an idea, a hope, a chance that those of us within this family can join together in love and send love. When we choose to acknowledge the negative emotions I talked about above, and then move through those emotions with love to love, we can raise ourselves to the level we need to be at to instigate the change that is to come. The age of love. Lindsay did such a marvelous job of conveying this today, that she inspired me write this to compliment her message. I wanted to put what she had taught, into my own words with the intention of reaching even more beautiful souls in our PDA family and beyond.

So, in summary, I ask that when you feel the uncomfortable, sometimes crippling emotions of sadness or fear when learning about the suffering of others in our community and you feel unheard in your own story. Please don’t validate those feelings with more of the same. Notice them, and chose words to lift out of them. Post comments that offer your love and hold those poor souls in hope. Speak up about PDA in a positive way. We each have a tiny part to play, starting with us and connecting with others. I’ve said it many times in my posts. Together we are strong. We don’t have to be in physical contact, or even in the same country, to make a difference and instigate the change we want to see.

LOVEpda. xx


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