I want to explore a bit more the concepts of freedom and control. In Harry Thompson’s latest YouTube talk, he brings our attention to the commonly talked about ‘need for control’ that is described as a behavior within PDA. In PDA land, where we discuss the complex behaviors of PDA, we talk about the demand avoidance trait as being a response to the need to be in control, mainly as a chain reaction in anxiety. I have written about control in a previous post and what we would label as ‘controlling behaviors’ from our PDA friends and children. It can certainly feel as if we are being controlled by our kids and we understand that this comes from a place where anxiety is being remedied, but here I want to look at things a bit differently thanks to Harry’s latest talk.
Harry explains that PDA people have a thirst to quench for freedom. This makes perfect sense to me and when we turn the word control to freedom, it is much easier to help the PDA child or person feel more comfortable. It’s easier to feel comfortable ourselves with the response choices we make and the environments we set. It is easier to love the child for they are not out to get us with their ‘need to control’, they are out to help us with their ‘need to freedom’.
I myself can fully relate to the feeling of being trapped or stopped from what I want to do. I can fully relate to the feeling of feeling imprisoned and pressured. I can fully relate to feeling the need to fight back on these feelings by saying no, doing nothing or using a number of tricks to get my own way. I don’t think I am a PDA but I most probably sit very closely to some of the traits and as such am taking the liberty of trying to put into words what Harry means when he explains to us that freedom is like oxygen.
We live in such a way that we may think we have freedom to make our own choices. This car that car, that school, this school. This look that look, the creatives create but are we really free?
I really do believe that there is a movement beyond what we think we have control over, a law that governs itself and pushes us into new realms. PDA and the people that are here with autism and different neurology and are teaching us and showing us that systems, societies, beliefs and behaviors need to and will be changed. Freedom is the key to those things happening and freedom is so inbuilt into people with PDA that we have no choice but to listen, learn, grow and change.
What is freedom?
‘The power or right to speak act or think as one wants’
We don’t really have that do we. Because there are laws, rules and others to live by. Someone somewhere said so and that’s what we all do. But there would be chaos if we didn’t. How do you know that?
I’ve talked before about being able to take what someone says to you and not hold it personally. About having freedom in our own thoughts and Dr Wayne Dyer’s teachings in taking full responsibility in how we choose to react to anything that comes our way. When we can start to step out of blame and fully love ourselves, we will start to see that we do not need all these rules and regulations, and I think that’s what PDA teaches us.
If PDA didn’t have that hard wired, no giving in reaction to their freedom being attacked, then we would mould them like we have been moulded and that would be that, we all carry on blinkered and oblivious. When we fully surrender to freedom, we step into a beautiful new land. When we do it alone it can feel frightening. When we do it together, we uplift everything and everyone until there is no choice but to be in a better place.
I have these teachers, I gave birth to my beautiful children and I am not scared or blind to see how they take my hand and lift me up. If you are reading this, you have one too. Control is a very valid word in PDA, and you have the control to step into the freedom that is being shown to you if you look in a certain way. I hope this post today makes sense. It just came out. I’m rushing now to receive some visitors we have coming today, so I am going to publish and hope that what I’ve written is OK. x Love you all.
Thank you for your continued support. xx LOVEPDA. xx